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i don’t know why…

October 11, 2006

but i’ve been feeling like i’m missing something… and it’s been that way pretty much all my life… the problem is that i cannot figure out what exactly… i don’t even know if it’s something i had to begin with or something i’ve never had… then if i’ve never had it, how can i miss it, right…? but somehow i don’t think i’ve ever really “had” it with me…
a friend from korea brought me a copy of this cd i used to listen to a lot when i was about 12… then when i listened to the songs last week for the first time in years, i began to feel what i was like and how i felt back then… then i remembered having the same feeling pretty much… missing something… longing for something… funny, songs can do that to you… especially the ones with words you can relate to… they send you right back when and where you heard it for the first time or for the hundreds times… and sum up how you feel somehow perfectly and completely… and now these songs made me realize that deep down i’m still the same person almost 20 years ago…
and i still cannot figure out “what” i’m missing exactly… so i’m still wandering the streets just like 20 years ago trying to find it… will i ever find it…?

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4 Comments
  1. I have felt similar sentiments for a long time. For years I have felt like I was waiting for something, for that missing thing to happen and come to me.I’m 20 years old and as I get older it only seems to grow. Maybe this does originate from childhood sentiments, when you dream of being a rock star or sports star etc. Maybe as we mature we still harbour the same sentiment, just more abstract, and thus can’t help but think; “this can’t be it, there must be something more”.I’m not sure if people with these feelings will ever find what their ‘missing’, maybe that’s what drives us

  2. uh, but it’s not about me “being” something or wanting “more” in life… it’s about how i feel… hope that makes any sense…

  3. No, I didn’t mean to imply that where you are isn’t enough for you or where you want to be. I guess for me the feelings I’ve had are just analogous to this.I think I will always be searching for it no matter where I am or what I’m doing, I don’t think I’ll ever find it or get rid of such a feeling.I just hope you manage to find what it is your missing, so you no longer have to carry that feeling…

  4. I‘ve had (and continue to have) numerous moments of perhaps a similar feeling. Without a doubt music is the main trigger, though there are quite a few others, like the feeling of Fall & Spring and the taste of coffee. What I’ve come to believe is that I tend to reflect back to certain moments anchored by that specific trigger. As an example, I’ve recently been listening to an XM station at work that plays 80’s new wave, so I’m constantly thinking back to high school and all its trappings. I get nostalgic to the point where I romanticize on what happened and in the end I think I end up missing that point in time. So I don’t actually feel like I’m missing a certain something (and I certainly don’t actually miss being in high school), but because of the filter of time I’ve created a romantic notion of past stages that actually may not have existed in the first place. And that’s what I miss.

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